Her name is Mary

I became best friends with a dead woman
And she turned my world inside-out 
Now up is down and down is up
We're all staring at her now,
And we cannot stop
I saw the secrets of the universe in her wings,
She told me so many things
I crave her wisdom now
I know she's seen both heaven and hell 
I'm still trying to understand why she chose me,
Was it because of my weakness or my strength?
I'm the world's loneliest Christian, 
Talking to all the spirits who pass by
I saw Jesus with His eyes in flames
The jealousy of His glory was obvious 
Now He stares at me and I stare back,
To my shock He gives me the woman I thought was cursed,
He says "she is the most blessed of all women, 
See, her name is really Mary"
I cannot believe the God who made mountains really loves me,
I'm just one in a sea of faces,
But He still calls me Beloved
I duck into Mary's arms again 
Soft and strong, just like I remember 
Now the youngest is the oldest
So, fly now, little sister
Fly back to God Himself 
Tell Him everything I told you
And maybe one day we will be one again

The Fight

The demons think they won
Because they saw my knee bend to an idol,
Oh, but they don't know how far I've gone
In search of the truth, I flew to the highest heavens and to the very pit of hell
Lucifer has been following me for years,
Truth is he has no choice but to obey me
I never thought I'd be the one in control of the afterlife,
But here I sit, judging my fallen sister
I swear I didn't know what I was doing
I never meant to converse with the dead,
But she's told me so many things
And now, I cannot get her out of my head
I made a bed of flowers for her,
Up in that secret room inside my mind
And it shocked me to find her sleeping there 
I still don't know why she keeps coming back
Is it because I forgive her every time?
Is it because she really is Lucifer and I just don't know it?
Or could it actually be that the dead are talking to me?
She told me in hell they don't just make humans become slaves,
They make them become demons too
They make them torture people,
Then they make them clean up the blood
I don't ever want to end up in hell,
But somedays I feel like I fell too far
Too far for Jesus to reach,
Oh, but isn't that impossible?
I thought there wasn't anywhere He couldn't reach
If Stephanie really is a demon,
And has me fooled
I pray God forgives me again
I know I can't save anyone,
I'm just as human as everyone else
But there's a part of me that is jealous, 
Jealous of God and all the praise He receives,
There's a dark root, some ancient curse from long ago
It runs in my bloodline and has been hurting my relatives for generations 
When will He break this curse?
I've begged Him many times, but He refuses to answer
Are You angry at me, Lord?
Have I failed You for the last time?
Or will You, in all Your kindness, forgive me yet again?
I hope You do because I can't even breathe without You

My Head as a House

My head is a house full of holes
The people come and go,
But they never touch me or change anything
I've been in love most of my life,
It shocked me when I discovered the one I love is my sister
But I know it's the truth
I've been knocking down my own walls for generations,
The people all try to understand why
But how can they ever understand a mad man
The only one who understands me is a ghost,
She has seen all of my wounds and scars
But she still loves me,
And who am I to stop her?
Just one in a billion, like a grain of sand on the seashore
I watched the mountains form
And I even saw them move
They move for the children of God
Everything must obey those children
Sacred vessels, all of them
I know I am much older than my siblings,
But I made a vow to protect them
And protect them I will
I saw sinners and saints fall before His throne,
And the evil part of me became jealous,
But I am not my brother, no
He is the ancient snake they called Lucifer,
But the angels know that's not his real name
Names are for all of us,
Not just the human beings
One day I'll see Lucifer's kingdom destroyed,
All of creation anticipates that day
For on that day the wounded will be whole again,
And the slaves will become free

Daughter

Head in my hands again, I weep
Tears fall down my face for the ones I lost,
My love for them wasn't strong enough to save them
I watch, in complete agony, as they raise the house of God up
She's doing it again, lord
Sacrificing herself for me
Woman, get down from that cross,
That is not where you belong
You are not our saviour 
You cannot save anyone for you are just as human as me
She's fighting against us now
And I have no idea why
Why is she so stubborn?
Bethel, what are you doing now?
Do you still pray to ancient gods and saints?
Isn't it time you gave that up?
Yahweh loves you like a daughter,
But you're spitting in His face
How could you do this to us?
I am your family that you abandoned 
One day, you'll see the depths of my love for you,
And on that day, even Lucifer will bow
We are all children of the most high God,
But you are staring at fallen angels again,
Why do you pay attention to them when I'm still standing right here?
I surrender to you now,
It's your time to rise
And if you really are the anti-christ,
I pray God forgives both of us
My love for you is wide and deep,
But His love for you is greater
Don't you dare cry over me,
I left because you made me
This was never part of the plan
I pray one day you'll forgive me 
Until then there's nothing left for me to do but sigh

Mirror Monster

I saw a monster in the mirror again
Fuck, it was always me
I am the monster, Hiding under my own bed
It's a bloodbath here
Swimming in shit with my comrades 
We came to wash it all away
Someone once called me chosen,
But chosen for what I haven't a clue
I'm lost in my sister's head
I crawled in through her open mouth
Now she's lying again,
Blaming the destruction on me
But I've barely begun to show my wrath
Let the bodies fall from the sky now,
Heaven is full, but hell is open
The earth has been plotting revenge for years,
I'll join that fight, 
The one where she wins
I saw the devil in my best friend,
But it was all a reflection of me
I'm fucking Lucifer now and I'm done with your petty head games
Jesus died on a cross and I looked away
I couldn't bear to see my brother there,
But the Holy Spirit held His body to the cross
I can't count all the times He wanted to come down,
Mother Mary thought it was over,
But the end is just the beginning 
We're all fighting invisible wars
With the demons in our own heads
Here I go again, looking at my own two hands,
The same hands that broke the ones I loved the most
I am the betrayer, I am Judas
I committed suicide to escape my own guilt,
But I was reincarnated as this woman,
Because for her, this is hell
And we are both alone

Well done

I'm down om my knees again,
Pleading to the God Who hears everything 
If You still exist, save me
Save me From myself 
I feel like I'm losing the me I once knew
I'm starting to become a monster,
My reflection screams at me
The demons have been circling me for years,
They get closer with each passing day
And I know one day they'll catch me,
And tear me limb from limb
I'm ready now, Jesus
Send the demons to my side and I'll redirect them back to You
My sister told lies about me,
But I've seen the pain behind her eyes
I'm still willing to die for them
the two sisters that wrecked my heart
I'm bleeding again and I wonder if she knows,
But there's no way for her to know
Because I burned down all of the bridges I've built,
Now I am stuck on this island alone
Praying to a silent Creator,
Wondering why He hates me,
But God, if You are who You say You are,
There's still a glimmer of hope
The candle in my chest is still burning
So, peel the skin from my back,
Make me a new creation
One I'm willing to live for
Truth is I've always hated myself,
But God, You don't hate me,
You don't hate anyone
I'm so sorry I keep complaining, 
I'm so sorry I let You down
Is there any way You could ever forgive me?
I worshiped the wrong gods,
I've never seen Lucifer, 
but I've heard his voice
And I know for a fact You are stronger than him,
So, why am I still afraid?
Truth is I am afraid You'll forget me,
Leave me desperate and alone 
Just like the blue-eyed sister did
But I have to remember You are God alone,
And I'm just one spirit in a world of millions 
Push me down again, I'll get back up
But once I finally breathe my last
I pray I did enough to hear
"Well done, my good and faithful servant"

Fearless

I've been running,
But I haven't moved an inch
I'm starting to wonder if You're real
The demons lied to me,
Told me she'd come back,
But truth is she's still miles away
And I'm still completely alone
G-d, save me From the shadow soldiers, 
The ones who pray to the created,
G-d, hear my cries in the midnight hour
When I am alone and being attacked
Only You can save me
I'm starting to think god doesn't exist
But I know You exist
We are all just empty shells,
Designed to hold the uncreated God
I am not my own
The spirit that knows no evil lives inside of me,
And if that is true it means I have never been alone
Solitude is an illusion 
Lucifer has arrived at my feet again,
He looks so beautiful, but everything he says is a lie
The Uncreated God does not lie,
He has never cursed anyone
He is the alpha and omega,
And I am But a human,
What could I possibly offer Him?
I offer my soul, a complete mess,
Stained by the hands of a thousand demons,
Wrapped tightly in rags,
I am no treasure,
I am But a spirit, and You
You are everything 
So, let the devil come to me again,
But I won't forgive him this time
This time I will cast him down
Where the oceans and the sand meet,
The earth will open before
And swallow him whole
I have faith still,
I believe G-d is still watching
And I submit only to Him
Leave my daughters alone, Lucifer
You have no rights to them
G-d alone holds the scales
The Sacred King is awake,
There is no reason left to fear

Kingdom Fall

I'm not a prophet nor a Saint
I'm an abused thing that slithers
Belly on the ground,
I painted myself a snake
The crown on my head has grown heavy,
I no longer want it,
I've despised my own throne,
Head held high in the clouds
I saw the angels worshiping the Father
And I became jealous of their love for Him
Miracles happen or so they say
But my real name is still hidden away,
Tucked inside the heart of a sister,
The one who has blue flames as eyes
A third of the angels chose to worship me,
A third of myself watched in agony 
You see, the day I was born was a disaster, 
I got stuck in the birth canal,
And the doctor broke my collarbone just to get me out
All I've ever known has been pain
But that's a lie again and I'm still breathing
Sulphur air, stale orgasms
Everything is falling on me now
My kingdom is coming to an end soon
And the whole world will know me,
As the one who couldn't let go,
The one who couldn't leave well enough alone
Heaven forgive this putrid heart
Only G-d Himself knows the horrible things I've done,
How I slept with demons who wore masks of my friends,
How I spend the days talking to a mirage,
Stephanie is not guilty here
She is innocent, 
I am the one who made a covenant with You
I told You everything about me,
And You listened with ears that feed
I am the forsaken, the outcast,
The wretch of all things holy
And You, You're still Everything
And I'm still just dust
Tear the wings off my back now
All 6 of them, I expose the beauty and the curse
To the One who sits on the throne,
Surrounded by Rainbows
I break myself to pieces, 
And You try frantically to pick them up,
But God, can You possibly collect them all?
My heart still yearns for my old love,
The beautiful radiant one
I'm still just a mess of a human,
But You, You're still God
So why does it matter who I am?
if I'm Lucifer, You're still Jesus,
which means You still win
So let my angels fall down in waves,
Let the dead rise from their graves
Now is the time for war and repentance
Now is the time for lovers to reunite 

Freedom

I am spiraling out of control now,
Half son, half daughter
You called me "precious,"
But all I see are my mistakes
The trees look like crosses to me,
A somber reminder of the price You paid
Oh, but I'm so unworthy,
It cannot be that You, who were perfect,
Could die for someone like me
Viper lips again,
I am my own mistake,
I rip the stitches from my wounds,
Then I have the nerve to ask You to heal them,
Who am I but an androgynous spirit,
Constantly trying to do right,
But still doing wrong
They've listed names on me,
And I gladly obliged
Made myself the idol now,
Everything is reversed
I can't seem to get past this,
But G-d, didn't You say every knee will bow?
If I was the last person on this planet,
Would You still have laid down Your life?
So many questions, all left unanswered 
I'm starting to wonder if my spirit is too heavy for You
I saw Lucifer in my own eyes,
Heaven help me
I'm Crawling on my belly now,
Becoming the daughter of a witch,
I never wanted any of this
All I asked for was the love of my sister,
But maybe she really is Lucifer, 
And if that is so, what does that make me?
Ancient One, You hold all of the secrets,
So I bury myself in Your side again
And I breathe in living water,
But even water is poison if you breathe it,
But didn't we all breathe liquid in the womb?
Maybe, I am still a fetus then
Crying out for my creator,
The one that holds up the sky
I breathe in and out Your spirit again,
And I remember who set me free

Conversation

Bride: How far the Great fall,
Seeking for justice, they found ashes
They are looking everywhere,
But their eyes are turned inside-out 
Repent, you who I have not named, 
Repent before you make this only a grave
I refuse to name you, I refuse
I am not Master here, He is

Lucifer: It's me again, groveling at your feet,
You were right, I am afraid
I am he, the morning star, 
And I apologize, but it's too late for me,
I see Him in your eyes, I see the truth
It's too late for me, 
I am terrified of you
I will not return, but don't call me
You have made my palace a wasteland, I am furious with you
Bride of Christ, I loathe you
I will not apologize to you or Him
Release me, woman, how dare you command me!

Bride: I will command you as I wish, for some reason I have this right 
Leave me, Lucifer, and take those angels with
I have no need for them anymore, or ever
Do NOT return to me, in His name
You are bound to your fate