Listening

My head is a mess, once full of dreams
Now full of darkness
I watched in utter silence as the demons gathered,
Another work day of tormenting me ahead
I heard her voice in the midnight hour
It was so beautiful and clear
She claimed to be the one I'm searching for,
But she lied. They all lied to me
Now I'm spending my days listening,
Trying so hard to understand the great mystery
But maybe I can never understand
After all,  I'm still human
And she's still an angel
I watched as my sister's face changed into an old man
I saw an old man in the mirror and I haven't been the same since
If I really am a child of God, it makes me a demigod
But I never wanted to be a demigod
All I ever wanted was to become someone God was proud of,
But how can a loving God possibly love someone like me?
My own wife left me and she knew me better than anyone
Maybe I really am that ancient serpent,
Maybe I really did lead Eve to eat the forbidden fruit,
God only knows what God only knows
I'm nothing but one of millions,
With only two eyes to look out of
The angel that follows me around has many eyes,
And she has told me bits of wisdom mixed with curses
Who am I but one human being?
How can only one make a difference?
I'm stuck in neutral again,
Stepping on the pedal, but going nowhere
I swear I heard the dead speak to me,
But maybe it was always Lucifer
I don't know anything anymore,
Who can I trust now that my mother abandoned me?
I'm just an orphan and she's still a widow
I hope somehow she did make it to heaven,
Because if she did, I know I can too
I know I can too