It seems like I’m in a rut. A rut that seems to just be getting deeper with each day. I can’t really figure out the exact problem. Work has been harder than usual. People are giving me drama there for no apparent reason. My wrist feels like it is developing carpal tunnel. I owe my credit card over $1,200… I guess there’s a few things I am finding stressful.
My relationship with my wife is also feeling the strain. I have not been the supporting spouse I should be being. I have been a creep, a bitch. I have been irritated far too often and had such little patience. This is the opposite of the person I want to be. The person I emulate.
I read a lot of gnostic gospels, a lot of Jesus’ writings that didn’t make it into the Canonical bible. They sometimes speak more clearly to me and sound more to me like I imagine He actually sounded than a lot I often hear quoted.
There are a couple I am looking at right now I really enjoy. They are from the Manichaean Psalm Book.
“Remember what I said between me and you on the Mount of Olives: I have something to say, I have no one to whom to say it” and also, “I am near you, like the clothes of your body.”
This post is pretty random, I know. I am just trying to get how frustrated I am feeling lately out and hopefully trying to grip a bit of hope while doing it. I still believe things will get better.